Caffeinoglobin

I thoroughly believe that in all honesty, blood is irrelevant. A wise philosopher of the common man, Al Bundy, once said that all you really need to do is keep the brain wet. Well Mr. Bundy, you sir were correct. As I am typing this I am continuing a process by which all my blood cells are being replaced by coffee. Thusly, all I need to keep track of in life now is my CAFFEINO-GLOBIN count...or what keeps me awake and conscious. Remember, the brain only needs to be wet to survive...It needs to be awake for one to be functional!

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FOLGERS COFFEE
10 Strung-Out Lane
Filter, NY

ROUND TWO

Well it is indeed true… All Good Things Must Come to an End… but did we ever think Texas? I was reared (read punished) on classic movies, many of them westerns (sadly what happens when your mother controls the remote for the only TV in the house with cable). Never in any of those movies did they ever touch down on the idea of Texas as being anything other than Zion, and Texas History as the Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Sam Houston. Now, I just sit and think… our patient has but 24 hours to live, is there not therapy to save this promised land of the cowboy?

Nope! DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS! Apparently Mother Nature didn’t get that memo downloaded onto her Blackberry, and her gigolo Father Time is calling in Texas’ account past due. But what does this mean you all ask? Frankly, Texas is about to get “PIPED” without so much as dinner and a movie. It will be a swift but furious romance. Rita will show up, angry and pissed at Tex’s doorstep. Tex will plead and beg and say “Baby, please, she meant nothing to me.” But Rita is past pleading and past forgiving. In the end Tex is gonna get a lot more than his hat and sox blown away. Well, they say Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned… except maybe a fantastic frickin’ category five hurricane (170 mph winds). If any of you all need the ‘Hoss; you can find him down at the Galveston shoreline… I will be the one flying the kite, y’all.

FISH & COWORKERS

The incredible and legendary American, Benjamin Franklin, said that:
“Fish and Visitors stink after three days!”
I shudder to think what Mr. Franklin would have written about the modern co-worker. In our travails we all stumble across the one co-worker that we thoroughly question:

Is he nuts?
How can he see that?
Did he really wear that?
Is he allergic to deodorant?

Well Mr. Franklin; I have one for the Almanac. I have asked myself all these questions, and all I can reasonably answer is : Don’t we screen these people? This co-worker has to be the slowest least perceptive person on the earth (with a Masters Degree). He will sit down at the lunch table and promptly alienate himself by brusquely and obliviously insulting his lunch mates beliefs or professions.
This is to say nothing of his eating habits, many of which involve the swift and grotesquely efficient manner of almost turning a plate of food into a dog bowl. A fork is a tool of some refinement, not the scoop on a short-armed front end loader. It is always a running competition whether or not more food will find its way glued around his mouth, or in his mouth.
Everything, everything is subject to complaint after 3 days. If it isn’t how one thing is run than it is another; from study halls to mandating an afternoon activity/sport; then it is sit-down dinners and chapel services.
The question at hand is : Do we train him up? Educate him to his boorishness and thus help him and ourselves…. Or is it ostracism and vengeance. I for one know not what course others may take; but as for me give me a new co-worker ‘cause I am plotting his death… who knows maybe he will choke on a Taco Salad? …(thank you Mama Cass)

Let the HEALING BEGIN!

Will someone please pass the 'Hoss a shovel???
The 'Hoss needs to dig his-self out fast.

I swear to god these days it is like Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire

...........Gas prices insane
Giant Flooding Hurricanes
Citizens taking up arms
Just to get their evians.......

We didn't start the fire.......

In the words of Harry Truman, " BULLSHIT"

Well those are just some thoughts for today. For any of you thinking about seeing Venice? I say wait, hold on: I have tickets to New Orleans, CHEAP.... BIG DEAL BIG STEAL!!!!!!

ps: you might want to remember your malaria pills, and dengue fever shots....otherwise your vacation to the big easy will be extra memorable!